April 19, 2008

Hey. Are you okay?

I'm just tired.

You want a beer?

What do you have?

Lagunitas IPA.

Ok, give me one.


Thanks. Is this new?

No, I just had it printed large.

What am I wearing?

Let’s see…it looks like two men and a pair of shoulders, a sailor shirt underneath two blazers, a lapel pin, and some jewels.

That’s close to what I wear in a day.


This is strong beer.

[yawns] I know.

Am I boring you?


It’s about time I bore you.

I’m honored to be bored by you. I have a theory.

What’s your theory?

I bet you’re good in bed.

[chokes] What? How many beers have you had?

Four and two glasses of wine. Bear with me.

Only till I finish my beer.

Ok, if the Dems had agreed to the Republican rules, you know, winner takes all, you would have won by now, right?


So if you had accepted missionary position, with no foreplay, you would have been on top, right?

You need to get laid. That’s my theory. Give me your cell phone.

But no, you insisted on foreplay and lots of it. And just when the object of your desire was completely exasperated, just when they couldn’t take any more, you stopped and exclaimed, “Wait, I’m just getting warmed up!” And then you dove in for more.

Give me the damn phone. I'm sure you have her on speed dial.

It’s a collective orgiastic experience. How are we going to feel when you’re done with us?

Ok, I'm going to press "1" and instruct the person who answers to show Sarah a good time.

You're going to ask my mom that?

[hangs up] Christ…what am I going to do with you?

I can think of a couple things.

A muzzle comes to mind. #