You know if you win tomorrow, you’re probably going all the way.
Does that mean I can be the first artist-in-residence at the White House?
I want to go to the White House. All I need is a room to paint in. Isn’t there a basement?
Wait, you think you’re going to paint in the White House?
Yes, actually I imagine being in a farmhouse on the grounds, the place where Eleanor kept her lovers. They were probably writers though.
There’s no farmhouse! And she had diverse taste in women. One was a pilot right?
Was that the same era?
[laughs] You need some history. Look, there is no room to paint in. There’s barely enough space for the people I’ll need there.
Oh, c’mon. Look at this matchbox I paint in. I don’t need much space.
What would you paint?
Oh yeah, like that one. That should go in the foyer. We can hang it so that her vajayjay is about eye-level.
Vajayjay. Don't tell me you haven't heard that word before.
Actually that painting would look good next to the one of you touching your vajayjay. I’m going to paint you with a camel-toe next.
No you’re not! Oh my god, do you have a picture?
I have two.
Oh shit. Please don’t. You can’t come to the White House if you do.
You mean I can come to the White House if I don’t paint Hillary with a camel-toe.
This is blackmail! You’re a pain in my ass.
No, I exist to tease and delight you. I swear. That’s my only mission.
Are you going to paint it?!
No, I have better ideas.
What about this one, the “official” White House portrait? I’m almost finished.
You’ve changed it, haven’t you?
I took off the jewels because I’m using the naked face.
Oh, the naked face, again.
Stop being sarcastic. It’s a great face and works well here. Would you hang that in the foyer?
No, it would scare people, except maybe the Chinese.
Is that a compliment?
I don’t know. #